April 3rd,
2014, after a colonoscopy, is the first day the word tumor appeared in my life.
A week later it was confirmed through the results of the biopsy done during my
colonoscopy that I had colon cancer. Then came a “routine” CT scan of the
pelvis and abdomen. That scan showed I had stage IV colon cancer; the cancer
had spread to my liver with over 40 lesions there- as my oncologist would tell
me later, “Your liver was more disease than liver.” Within the month I had a
port surgically implanted in my chest for chemotherapy, and I began the first
of what is now 132 chemotherapy treatments and counting. As of this writing it’s
been 5 years since my diagnosis. Statistically only 14% of people diagnosed
with stage IV colon cancer live that long (though that number seems to be
growing steadily, if slowly). Some people celebrate their “Cancerversary”- the
date they were diagnosed. I’d rather not give cancer top billing- it takes so
much as it is, why give it that too? Living 5 yeas with this disease where the
median average survival rate is 25 months (I’ve now made 60) has given me a lot
of time to think about how I got here. How did my life get so fucked up? Am I
to blame for what happened to me? Why did it happen to me? Were there signs I
missed? Ignored? The simple answers are cancer, yes, bad luck, yes, and yes.
However those simple answers are not why I’m writing today. I’m writing today
so you can see that what’s happening to me could have been prevented- I could
have prevented it, if I had spoken up sooner and not ignored the signs. Colon
cancer is preventable if caught early enough. Maybe after reading this some of
you will know what those signs are and speak up and prevent yourself from
getting it.
About
10 years before my diagnosis (give or take a year or 2) I noticed bleeding when
I had a bowel movement. This went on for a while until one day I saw a lot of
blood in the bowl. That scared me, so I called my Dr. and made an appointment.
After examining me, he told me that it was hemorrhoids and nothing to worry
about, and that we could treat it. This was my first rectal exam, and like most
people it was not my favorite experience. So thinking it was nothing dangerous
I went about my merry way. As time progressed the bleeding happened more often
to where it was happening pretty much every time I went to the bathroom. The
bleeding wasn’t just when wiping, but sometimes there was blood in the bowl,
and in my stool. All of this was pointing to a larger problem that I was
ignoring.
I was
ignoring it by telling myself “It’s only hemorrhoids” and “it’s not anything
serious”. Also, I didn’t want another rectal exam. A Dr. would ask me if I was
bleeding when I went to the bathroom and I would say no. Yup, I lied to my
doctors. I just put my head in the sand, which of course left my ass in the
air. I lived with this, and ignored it for the better part of a decade, until March
of 2014 when I complained of constipation to my Dr. and he sent me for a colonoscopy
(which I have previously detailed here). I finally listened to my body and to
what it was trying to tell me for years. Unfortunately, by that time it was too
late for me. It went from something that could be cured if caught early enough
to something that was going to kill me. Don’t let it be too late for you.
Listen to your body. Get checked if something is wrong- if there’s blood in the
bowl when you have a bowel movement (especially dark blood), if your stool is
tarry black and/or has blood in it, if there are changes in your bowel habits. See
your doctor. Get screened. One bad night of preparation for a colonoscopy or
one rectal exam is far better than any day of chemotherapy and if you’re like
me, a stage 4 death sentence.
People
have told me I’m an inspiration because of the way I’ve handled having cancer.
A dubious honor I would rather never have. I handle it the only way I know how,
because of who I am. Cancer changes you in many ways, steals many things from
you, but it doesn’t change who you are. Please take my word for it- don’t test the
theory for yourself. I’m not someone whose footsteps you want to follow. Mainly
because the amount of footsteps I have left are a lot fewer than I, or anyone
would like. I know I’d like more, but I know I’m not going to get them. Make
sure you get as many as you can. I’m not an inspirational tale; I’m a
cautionary one.
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